Hot Dogs, Horseshoes & Hand Grenades/Machine Guns

Machine Guns

All of H3's machine guns fall under a single category, which is under the broader class of "support" weapons (alongside the weapons of the next and final pages). This includes light, general-purpose, heavy, and rotary machine guns; fortunately, the category is referred to in-game simply as "machine guns", and not as "light machine guns" like in many games.

"Aerial Denier"

Update #98 Big Patch 2 brought along the "Aerial Denier", an alternate weapon for the Heavy class in Meat Fortress. The weapon consists of the barrels of a General Dynamics GAU-19/A (complete with triangular flash hider and larger-than-normal-caliber chambering - in-game, it uses the same "18x50mm Packawhollop" ammo as the Sniper Rifle), attached onto the receiver of the standard TF2 Minigun; it is not simply a handheld GAU-19/A, however, as it still has 6 barrels - two complete barrel assemblies stick out of the receiver and fire simultaneously, making the weapon even more uncontrollable than a "regular" handheld GAU-19.

General Dynamics GAU-19/A - .50 BMG

"Don't know what you're talking about up there - I just see three barrels."

"Yeah, I checked the other side - there are only three barrels there, too."

"Whaddaya mean it - oh."

Taking a look at one of the Aerial Denier's ammo drums - they're largely the same as the standard Minigun's, save for the black paint. The substantially larger caliber means that these drums "only" hold 120 rounds.

Slamming it into place.

Spinning up the barrels; unlike the other two Gatlings on this page, the Denier's barrel clusters aren't radially symmetrical, so this can actually be shown in a still image. The two barrel clusters rotate in opposite directions, so try to avoid getting anything stuck between them - anything that goes in is probably coming out in pieces.

Spraying away at nothing in particular.

Which, as the bullet trails here show, is going to be your target most of the time; the weapon's ludicrous recoil means that any hitting any reasonably-sized target from more than a couple dozen meters is going to be a challenge. Also note that the muzzle flash is only lined up with one of the barrel clusters; both clusters fire at once, but the muzzle flash effect for either one doesn't necessarily line up with a capturable frame.

Completely ignoring every rule of gun safety and looking down while firing reveals a veritable stream of spent cases and disintegrating links coming out of the ejection port; these disappear after a couple of seconds by default, presumably for performance-related reasons.

Oh, and in case you were wondering why these shots are in the Sampler Platter, this is why: while it can be tricky at first, the Aerial Denier can indeed be used for its stated purpose.

The spectacle of a giant jet-propelled steak exploding in mid-air just never gets old.

Bren Mk 2

Update #50 brought along a Bren gun, more specifically the Mk2 variant. Due to the fact that bipods were being updated and tuned at the time of Update #50's release, the variant added instead was one with a shortened barrel and no bipod or carrying handle, with the standard variant added later, in the eleventh alpha of Update #52.

Images of the full-length Bren courtesy of Reddit user Shubishu.

Bren Mk2 - .303 British

Admiring the Bren, standing before the pre-rendered beauty of the cornfields of the American West (actually Czech, much the machine gun). Note the absence of a carrying handle on the weapon's barrel.

For those wondering, this is the background of the Breaching Prototype scene. Perhaps a WWII-era light machine gun isn't the best weapon for house-breaching...

Loading the Bren. 30 tracers, straight into the top.

Cocking the machine gun; note the bar attached to the back, which slides into a corresponding slot in the stock. This is necessary to cover the charging handle slot, preventing debris from entering and blocking the handle's path.

The Bren's fire selector is rather interesting; the safety position is in the middle, with "R" ("Repetition", or semi-auto) at the back...

...and "A" ("Automatic") at the front.

Aiming the Bren at the cornfield below; note the lack of an adjustment drum, confirming this particular Bren to be a Mk2 model.

Opening fire.

Popping open the bipod.

This allows for the weapon to be used as intended, allowing the Bren to achieve its true potential in terms of accuracy. Sucks to be someone in those trees...

Following Update #76's 1st alpha, the Bren's distinctive wooden carrying handle became usable. It also became wobbly, at least when it's not being held.

As mentioned in prior sections, Update #100's 6th alpha made the sights of several weapons adjustable, with machine guns in particular seeing a considerable amount of emphasis. The Bren was one of the guns affected, with its rear sight going from 200 meters to 1,600 in 100-meter increments; for some reason, the screen displaying this is upside-down.

The curtailed Bren, in all of its glory.

Loading in a fresh magazine full of .303 rounds.

Pulling back the Bren's charging handle.

A look through the Bren's iron sights. While the shortened sight radius and barrel would logically hamper the Bren's renowned accuracy, it does at least bring the front sight closer to the shooter's face, making it a bit easier to see clearly. This version didn't get an adjustable rear sight like the full-length variant, presumably because it would require completely recalibrating (and remodeling) the rear sight to account for the shorter barrel's different ballistics and sight angles.

Firing the Bren, showing off its downward ejection system.

Browning M2HB

The 2018 4th of July Update (more formally known as Update #56) added a modified Browning M2HB, known as the "M2 Tombstone". It has a shortened barrel, and is fitted with a pair of top-mounted grips and a bracket for fitting an belt box; the latter serves as its namesake, with the weapon feeding from the 200-round tombstone-shaped ammo cans more normally associated with M2s in AA mounts. The icing on this incredibly absurd cake is the American flag paintjob on the receiver, for that extra patriotic flavor.

Browning M2HB - .50 BMG

The modified M2 sits on a table, in eager anticipation of what's to come.

Admiring the (old) glory of the Tombstone.

The other side, which shows off the bracket used to seat belt boxes.

Placing a belt box into said bracket...

...popping open the feed tray cover...

...seating the belt...

...closing the cover...

...and getting ready to make some music.

"Oh say can you see..."

Chatellerault FM24/29

The Chatellerault FM 24/29 was added on Day 19 of the Meatmas 2022 Advent Calendar event, marking two notable points - the game's first French machine gun, and only its second gun at all chambered in 7.5x54mm French (the first being the much-earlier added MAS-49/56).

Chatellerault FM 24/29 - 7.5x54mm French

The Chautellerault in its box, showing every long-winded part of the name except that one. Note the date - while the Mle. 24 was indeed first made in 1924, absolutely all of them were later updated in 1929 (and all subsequent guns produced accordingly), giving them the "M29" designation. For all practical purposes, all this upgrade did was re-chamber the guns from 7.5x58mm to 7.5x54mm, after the discovery that the subsequently-abandoned former chambering could also fit 7.92x57mm Mauser (which France possessed a considerable amount of, mostly from German MG08 machine guns handed over at the end of WWI); anyone who actually did this would, upon pulling the trigger, come face-to-face the unpleasant consequences of attempting to cram a 7.92mm bullet down a 7.5mm barrel.

Right, enough explaining names. Regardless of what you call it, this is what the gun looks like.

And no, before you ask, you can't pull both triggers; like the earlier-added Beretta Model 38A, the lack of a second trigger on currently-manufactured VR controllers means that the FM24/29 can only be fired in full-auto.

Loading in a magazine - 25 rounds of the less potentially-catastrophic 7.5 French, straight in the top.

Pulling back the cocking handle...

...and disengaging the safety. How convenient that "S" and "F" work as safety markings in so many different languages.

Drawing a bead on a distant crystal snowflake; the aperture-and-post sights are a bit small, but still serviceable.

At least, serviceable until you try to land a follow-up shot.

Fortunately, for those trying to hit things repeatedly at range, the gun has an easy way to keep itself steady.

Unfortunately, no usable footage was recorded that could demonstrate this; here, an empty magazine is thrown out of the gun in dejection at this fact.

CIS Ultimax 100 Mark 3

The much-requested CIS Ultimax 100, specifically the Mark 3 version, was added in (fittingly enough) Update #100.

CIS Ultimax 100 Mark 3 - 5.56x45mm NATO

Admiring U100's U100, set up on its bipod in suitably photogenic fashion.

This also helps deal with the fact that, when holding the Ultimax, it's rather hard to fit the whole thing on screen.

Loading in one of the weapon's distinctive 100-round drum magazines.

Pulling the charging handle, which flips up the dustcover. It also locks the bolt open, since the Ultimax (like most machine guns) fires from an open bolt.

Looking through the sights; these consist of a simple, Western-style rear aperture and winged front post.

Suddenly remembering that there are more urgent matters at hand - namely, the safety being on. The Ultimax lacks a fire selector, so it's full-auto or nothing.

Dealing with the other, slightly less urgent issue.

Attempting to show off the rear sight's adjustability (100 to 600 meters, in 100-meter increments); this would be easier if the numerous enemy Sosigs in the area understood the phrase "Gimme a minute, I'm busy".

"Well, if violence is all they understand, then violence is what they'll get."
Fortunately, the Ultimax's low rate of fire and constant-recoil system (wherein the bolt is stopped and redirected solely by the recoil spring, never actually hitting the back of the receiver) makes it so controllable that it can be relatively easily fired with one hand. Useful when your other hand is busy playing matchmaker between an enemy Sosig's face and a hatchet.

Upon running empty, the Ultimax locks open; since it fires like that anyway, reloading is as simple as dropping out the old drum and shoving in a new one.

Okay, this one's just a glamor shot. But, to be fair, it's at least a good one - you can see the locking lug recesses in the barrel extension and everything.

Degtyaryov DP-28

Included in the 11th alpha build of Update #52, the Degtyaryov DP-28 comes in both full-length and shortened variants, as with the earlier WW2-era LMGs.

Screenshots of the shortened variant courtesy of Reddit user Shubishu.

Degtyaryov DP-28 - 7.62x54mmR

A DP-28 on the item spawner's output table.

Unfolding the Degtyaryov's bipod.

Setting the weapon down on a table.

Loading in one of the weapon's distinctive 47-round pan magazines, which earned it its famous nickname: the "Dinner Plate 28".

Pulling back the charging handle, in a rather awkward underhanded manner (though this isn't visible here due to the player's persistent Invisible Hand Syndrome).

Lining up the sights...

...and obliterating the target with a protracted burst of 7.62x54mmR.

"You see Ivan, when use Degtyaryov from standing position, the enemy will be of surrender, for fear of your strength."

Having taken this advice to heart, Ivan spreads fear and bullets among his wooden enemies, bifurcating any that don't lay down their weapons at the sight of him. And, of course, showing off the DP-28's adjustable rear sight, which goes from 100 to 1,500 meters in 100-meter increments. Had to force that in there somehow...

The short-barreled DP-28.

That's all there is to it.

Well, apart from the magazine, that is.

Cocking the now-heavier lighter light machine gun.

Aiming...

...then abandoning any pretense that this is in some way a sensible weapon, and blazing away indiscriminately at the distant city skyline.

47 rounds later, the gun's Frisbee-shaped magazine is dry, leaving only one thing to do:

"THIS BITCH EMPTY!"

"YEET!"

Dillon Aero M134 Minigun

The "Meat Fortress" update/Team Fortress 2 crossover added a recreation of the TF2 Heavy's "Sasha", a handheld Dillon Aero M134 Minigun with a 200-round ammunition drum seemingly inspired by the feed system of the M61 Vulcan mounted in the F/A-18 Hornet.

Dillon Aero M134 Minigun - 7.62x51mm NATO

Airsoft handheld M134 Minigun - (fake) 7.62x51mm NATO

M61 Vulcan in the mounting used by the F/A-18 Hornet - 20x102mm Vulcan

A lovely little thing, ain't she? But it seems like something's missing...

A quick look at the weapon's underside reveals that the suspicion was correct. Brace your ears... "WHO TOUCHED MY GUN?!"

As it turns out, nobody did; this model is treated as reloadable, with the 200-round drums being detached and replaced as necessary.

With the drum loaded, Sasha is returned to her standard-issue glory. Note the switches and buttons on the back of the drum; it may be meant as both an ammunition container and a power supply (especially since it's not like there's anywhere else on the model that a battery could be hiding).

Opening fire on a group of Sosigs; Sasha's decent per-shot damage and blistering rate of fire can quickly reduce any group of enemies to a mess of tracers and mustard.

Speaking of tracers, here they are before they turn into a streak of light. The Minigun uses the fictitious "6mm Mannlecker" round (roughly 6x33mm, putting it at the lower end of the "intermediate rifle round" category); this round is considerably smaller than the barrels it's fired out of (which look like they're meant for 20mm shells more than anything else), leaving one to guess at exactly how this thing works. A reverse squeeze-bore, maybe?

FN M240B

Update #101 (AKA the 2021 Meatmas even) brought along the much-requested FN M240, specifically its Bravo variant.

FN M240B - 7.62x51mm NATO

Admiring a brand-new M240B, the larger predecessor to its earlier-added derivative below.

In what is quickly becoming a tradition for this section, the weapon is shown off on its bipod, since it's a bit too long to actually fit on the screen at arms' length.

Popping open the top cover to reveal... an upside-down, belt-fed BAR, pretty much.

Pulling back the accordingly downwards-tilting bolt; like the BAR (and the rest of the FN MAG family, and most modern MGs for that matter), the M240 fires from an open bolt, so this locks it back.

Attaching one of the weapon's 100-round belt boxes; unlike many depictions of the weapon, H3's M240 correctly mounts belt boxes to the side, and not the bottom.

Pulling the belt into place; in typical fashion for this game, it's a mixture of FMJ and tracers.

Closing up the weapon...

...and disengaging the simple push-button safety. Ready to rock. And, quite possibly, roll.

Aiming; the simple aperture-and-winged-post sights are pretty readable, though the top cover features a Picatinny rail if you'd prefer an optic.

The previous shot's angle didn't really lend itself well to a good firing shot, so we're using that as an excuse to show this instead. Note that the left-side ejection port serves solely to spit out spent belt links, while casings come out the bottom instead; this is why, as mentioned before, the FN MAG/M240 series can't use bottom-mounted belt boxes.

Speaking of belt boxes, this one's hundred rounds go faster than you'd think. Good thing the game allows for them to be duplicated indefinitely.

FN M249-E2 SAW

Update #52 brought along the game's first two belt-fed weapons, the first being the FN M249 SAW, specifically the E2 variant. This is one of the few depictions where the magazine well is useable; this can result in some hilarious situations, such as acquiring the M249 as a random roll in Take & Hold but with ten-round magazines as your only ammo option.

FN M249-E2 SAW - 5.56x45mm NATO

At long last, they're finally here. Praise be to our lord and savior Anton; his ways are mysterious, and his gifts many.

Admiring the much-awaited M249.

Attaching a 200-round belt box.

Popping open the feed tray cover. Upon the update's release, there was a rather amusing bug wherein optics placed on the cover's top rail wouldn't move with it, leaving them floating in mid-air above the bolt; this has since been fixed.

Pulling the belt out of the box...

...before pausing for a closer look. This reveals that the belt contains one tracer for every 4 normal FMJ rounds, a common setup among belt-fed machine guns, as it makes it far easier to tell where the gun is firing. This is also pretty much the furthest the belt can be pulled out of the box (and you can't do it unless you attach the box to the gun first), presumably to not drive the CPU mad from trying to calculate the physics on a long, loose belt of ammo.

Inspection break over, the loading process is resumed, with the belt being placed into the feed tray.

The feed tray cover is then closed...

...and the weapon's rather arduous reloading procedure is concluded with a pull of the charging handle.

Celebrating the conclusion of this process with a burst of 5.56mm rounds.

Belatedly realizing that he forgot his hearing protection, our now rather shaken-up protagonist affixes a SilencerCo Osprey suppressor onto the M249.

Laying down some suppressed suppressive fire.

Yet another one of the weapon's many impressive details; when it is inverted, the belt visibly sags due to gravity. Or rather, it's supposed to look like it's due to gravity; this is actually coded based on the orientation of the weapon itself, because having it rely solely on physics would have disastrous effects on the user's CPU.

After an innumerable amount of rounds, the M249's belt begins to visibly dwindle.

It is at this point that the belt box can simply be removed.

Furthermore, if the feed tray is opened, then the belt can be removed separately, which causes it to compress itself into the small, convenient ball of ammunition seen here, which can be placed into the gun and causing it to transform into a belt again. This idiosyncrasy is once again because of CPU limitations (notice how the belt is never let loose at any point in the simulation), and these mechanics are used on all belt-feds with exposed belts in this game.

Fed up with a creepy German constantly asking him about a mission report, our protagonist loads a 100-round Surefire quad-stack magazine into the M249's emergency STANAG magazine well.

Fortunately for him, this proves to be far more useful in-game than in reality; the M249's STANAG well is notoriously unreliable, and attempts to use it frequently result in jamming.

He then discovers that the bipod seems to be slightly broken...

...before shrugging and just deciding to roll with it. Note: this was a pre-release bug, and was fixed by the time that Update #52 was released.

Speaking of updates, the 76th one (or rather, its first alpha build) gave players the ability to grab the M249's carrying handle. Also speaking of bipods, it changed the way they worked, allowing deployed weapons to be picked up by their forends (or carrying handles, when applicable), rather than forcing players to reach forward and re-fold the bipod.

Gatling Gun

An 1800s-era Gatling Gun was added to the Wurstworld scene in Update #43, though there were indications of its not-present presence when the mode was first released; several red-colored versions were also mounted in various places throughout the old version of the Meatmas Snowglobe scene. Update #56 (the 2018 4th of July Update) added a handheld version (chambered in .45-70), rather affectionately nicknamed "Hand Crank Frank". The "Meatal Gear Ronch", a walking mech boss that serves as the target of the 6th and final gamemode in Meatmas 2018's "Cappocolosseum" scene, has several of them mounted on its shoulders; these forward-facing guns use somewhat simplified models, likely to keep the mech's polycount at a reasonable level.

Colt Gatling Gun - .45-70 Government. Similar to the one in-game.

"Hmm... that looks fun."

Approaching the Gatling, using period-accurate handheld teleportation technology.

Grabbing a hold of the crank handle...

...and laying waste to the dastardly bandits terrorizing the town, along with the town itself. This in spite of the lack of any visible source of ammunition being associated with the weapon.

Taking a look at the festive wall-mounted Gatling, giving a good view of the never-used ejection chute.

It's more or less just the base gun model painted red; even the underlying textures (such as the roughness of the brass body, or the grain of the wooden crank handle) are still present.

Firing some rounds off at nothing in particular...

...and some more (out of a different Gatling) at a Weinerbot. To little effect, one might add.

The Meatal Gear Ronch's forward-facing Gatling guns. Between these, the rapid-fire laser blaster on its chin, its smoke/flashbang grenade launchers, and its guided missiles, the Gronch's mech is packing some serious heat.

The Gronch firing Ronch's miniguns at nothing in particular. Sadly, we're unable to provide any clearer of a shot than this, as trying to get close enough to the mech to see its weapons in detail will usually result in...

...this.

"Hand Crank Frank"

It isn't clear who actually thought this was a good idea.

A closeup of "Frank"'s receiver, showing how the rear grip is simply bolted on.

Loading in a 60-round magazine...

...before looking at another. Unlike many of the game's other machine guns, these are loaded with nothing but tracers by default, presumably due to the literal impossibility of aiming otherwise.

Cranking out some destruction.

General Dynamics GAU-17/A

A T2-style handheld General Dynamics GAU-17/A is one of the firearms added in the 2016 Meatmas update, arguably the most fun, and indisputably the most absurd. While logically implausible, it does have one curious "realistic" touch - attempting to fire the weapon one-handed will cause it to spontaneously eject itself from the user's hand and go flying backwards under recoil; this has less to do with realism and more to do with the fact that protracted one-handed fire of a minigun would wreak havoc on the physics engine - not to mention the performance implications of firing two miniguns at once.

General Dynamics GAU-17/A, US Air Force version of the M134 Minigun - 7.62x51mm NATO

Airsoft handheld M134 minigun - (fake) 7.62x51mm NATO

A quick trip to the Sampler Platter intro scene's Dessert Table reveals some very tasty offerings indeed.

Admiring the GAU-17, with its great-grandfather photobombing in the background.

Ammunition comes in the form of these belt boxes. These are good for a few seconds of continuous fire; unlike many fictional miniguns, which have drastically lowered fire rates, H3's GAU-17 chews through ammo at a rate of 2,700 RPM (1 round every frame, at a standardized framerate of 90 FPS), which is well within the GAU's ROF range of 2-6,000 RPM.

For convenience's sake, the tracer-filled belt saves the user the trouble of pushing through the flexible feed chute and just feeds itself through automatically.

Spinning up the minigun. In retrospect, this might not have been the most purposeful thing to screenshot.

Descending, unrelenting, beauty of annihilation...

A decent few seconds of sustained fire will leave the GAU-17's barrels looking like this. This is rather strange, considering how one of the main advantages of a rotary barrel system is that it's far more resistant to overheating; if a gun's barrel looks like this, then the user should be seriously worried. In-game, however, it has no effect on the gun's performance, and is purely for the sake of making the weapon more satisfying to use.

Following several hours of puzzle-solving and key-acquiring, and around three solid minutes of maniacal monologuing (by the same exceptional voice actor as the narrator of the Meat Grinder mode, apparently portraying the same character), Wurstworld's final boss appears, dual-wielding giant GAU-17s. They aren't actually loaded, but considering what happens literally five seconds later, this is a bit of a moot point.

Lahti-Saloranta LS/26

The Lahti-Saloranta LS/26 was added on Day 21 of the Meatmas 2022 Advent Calendar event.

Lahti-Saloranta LS/26 - 7.62x54mmR

The LS/26 in its box; the stated name is another valid way of referring to the LS/26 (though it, as with most Finnish firearm designations, is usually written with a slash - i.e. M/26), and the stated caliber is in line with the standard Finnish name for the cartridge most of us refer to as 7.62x54mmR. The stated year of introduction, however, is completely wrong, and it's not really clear where it came from (short of somehow mixing it up with the entry right below this one).

Regardless, here's the gun. And a mug that apparently doesn't know what color it-

-oh, nevermind.

Loading in one of the LS/26's 20-round box magazines. A 75-round pan magazine is often brought up when this weapon is discussed, though this appears to have been exclusive to different variants (primarily those intended for anti-aircraft use), as it required a different mounting system.

Pulling back the somewhat unusual top-mounted/side-extended cocking handle...

...and disengaging the safety. Given its use on his better-known SMG, Aimo Lahti was apparently a fan of this style of safety switch.

Aiming; the simple notch-and-post irons are a relatively easy read, set off to the left to account for the aforementioned cocking handle.

The recoil's about what you'd expect for a gun of this sort - enough to make the sights jump around a fair bit, but nothing too bad in semi-auto.

Now, in full-auto, on the other hand...

To help make it the full-auto a bit more practical, it's best to deploy the bipod first.

And, to make the bipod a bit more practical, you should probably find something to put it on. This barn roof seems to be doing the trick.

And, to ruin this sequence of natural segues, you can stop for a moment to fiddle with the sights. They're adjustable out to 1,500 meters in 100-meter increments, with their default zero being the lowest setting, 100 meters.

Now that we're done transitioning naturally from one shot to the next, here's a shot of a natural transition from one magazine to the next (or possibly just a shot of a magazine with an apostrophe); this is all that's required for a standard reload, as the LS/26 has the ever-magical feature combination of "fires from an open bolt" and "locks open on empty".

Lewis Assault Phase Rifle

This lesser known prototype variant of the Lewis Gun was added on day 23 of the Meatmas 2022 advent calendar event. Two variants were added; one with a wooden foregrip (Mk3), and one with a vented barrel shroud (Mk2). Unlike the concurrently-added Lewis Gun, they are chambered in .30-06.

Lewis Assault Phase Rifle Mk 2 - .30-06 Springfield

Lewis Assault Phase Rifle Mk 3 - .30-06 Springfield

The three Lewises in their box, with the Mark 3 front and center.

Allowing it to hog a bit more of the spotlight - after all, who could blame a gun with so much unrealized potential for wanting attention?

Besides, it's certainly easy on the eyes - a bit like a dieselpunk FAL.

Furthering that resemblance a bit by loading in a magazine - 20 rounds of .30-06, and completely proprietary (save the other variant of the same rifle).

Yanking back the large, distinctive side-mounted cocking handle.

Disengaging the safety; the thumb-accessible selector with 3 positions laid out over a 180-degree arc shouldn't be too unfamiliar to AR fans, as absurd as that comparison may seem.

Taking a look at the irons; sadly, the vertically-sliding rear notch sight (a setup similar to some FAL variants) is non-adjustable in-game.

Flipping the selector over to its aforementioned third position...

...on a different gun entirely.

This is the earlier version (or at least one with its handguard), if you want to sacrifice a bit of the FAL aspect in exchange for a bit more dieselpunk.

The sights on this variant are a bit simpler, with a tangent-style rear sight (again, sadly non-adjustable) and a simple non-hooded blade up front.

And, while it's not really relevant at this range, it's still worth mentioning that the APRs have some of the longest lock times in the game, so... don't flinch.

Alternatively, just compensate imprecision with volume of fire. And the absurdly strong forearms of a Wolfenstein protagonist.

Off-screen reloading abilities are unfortunately sold separately, so once the mags run dry, you'll have to get a bit creative.

Lewis Gun

Along with its more conventional, less-produced siblings above, the much-awaited Lewis Gun was added on Day 23 of the Meatmas 2022 Advent Calendar event.

Lewis Gun - .303 British

Starting things off in a slightly unconventional fashion, and reaching forward for...

...the bipod, spiked feet and all.

With these two feet, and a distinct lack of feathers, a man can be beheld completely in a single screencap.

Fortunately, Platonic philosophy doesn't say anything about 47-round pan magazines of .303 British, so loading up Lewis here doesn't revoke his birth certificate.

Plucked-cocking the bolt; sadly, the weapon's safety was rendered non-functional post-addition due to issues with it clipping into the bolt, as H3's existing code systems didn't support a safety system that locks an open-bolt weapon in a position that isn't fully-cocked or closed.

Aiming; the wide rear aperture allows for quick acquisition at the cost of precision, an attribute further hindered by its present non-adjustability.

Pausing for a moment to inspect the manufacturer's markings; thanks to someone's rather enthusiastic use of a white wax pencil, all but the serial number (36172) and a capital "A" beneath it are plainly visible here, without even having to blow the image up to full size. Which is, after all, the whole point of filling in markings with a white wax pencil.

Following a series of undoubtedly rather interesting events, our man-wielding hero finds himself under assault from the forces of sensible phylogeny.

Luckily, they are not joined by the forces of reasonable camera angles, allowing for this interesting shot - with its entire ammunition load modeled and exposed, the last few rounds in the Lewis's magazine can be seen feeding their way into the action, signaling that it's time for a swap.

M1918A2 BAR

Update #50 added an M1918A2 Browning Automatic Rifle to H3. For the same reasons as the Bren gun's changes, the BAR included with the update also had a shortened barrel without a carrying handle or bipod; Update #52's 11th alpha build added the full-length version.

Interestingly, the shortened variant is rather reminiscent of Clyde Barrow's cut-down BAR, though that weapon was actually an original M1918, rather than an A2, and had a shortened stock as well as a truncated barrel. The version in H3 is also clearly meant to be an A2, considering the safe-slow-fast selector.

Update #101 added an additional variant, the "Fire Walker"; this version is Meat Fortress-oriented, and is stylized accordingly.

M1918A2 BAR - .30-06 Springfield

An M1918A2 BAR, fresh out of the item spawner.

Inserting a magazine. While it's not visible here, this magazine is full of red-tipped tracer rounds. What is visible here is the fact that the magazine has fingerprints on it; this is rather odd, considering the complete absence of hands in this game.

Unfolding the bipod...

...and setting it down on a table.

Pulling back the charging handle.

The BAR's iron sights, which are conspicuously target-colored.

Firing a burst of .30-06.

Following the fourth alpha build of Update #85, the aforementioned target-colored sights got an update:

The rear sight can now be flipped up, granting an aperture instead of the default U-notch.

Perhaps more significantly, this aperture can be slid up and down for different ranges.

Well, more significant when your target isn't 10 feet in front of you, at any rate.

This advantage was made even more significant in Update #100's sixth alpha build, with the free-sliding rear aperture being brought up to the other adjustable sights' standard. The flipped-down setting is a fixed 100-meter zero, while the flipped-up settings go from 100 meters to 1,500 in 100-meter increments.

Playing with the BAR's fire selector; unlike the preceding M1918 and M1918A1 (and most other BAR variants, for that matter), the M1918A2 lacks a semi-auto setting. It still has a 3-position selector, however, with its two settings being full-auto...

...and fuller auto.

Needless to say, using the former setting (roughly 450 RPM) is advised over the latter (about 600 RPM) when the bipod is mounted on a thin wooden fence. Otherwise, this happens.

Taking this opportunity to look at the top of the receiver; the markings read "BROWNING AUTOMATIC RIFLE" / "U.S. CAL .30 M 1918 A2" / "MAN'F'D. BY N. E. SMALL ARMS CORP" / "515648" / "-PATENT APPLIED FOR-".

Shortened

Clyde Barrow's cut-down M1918 BAR, for comparison - .30-06 Springfield

Loading a magazine into the cut-down BAR.

Pulling back the charging handle.

A good look at the right side of the BAR.

Pointing the BAR at a distant target...

...and opening fire.

Aiming the BAR, a rather futile exercise considering the lack of a front sight.

Fortunately, one was later added in the 4th alpha build of Update #76, allowing for one to much more successfully play out all their bank-robbing fantasies. As with the Bren above, these were never made incrementally adjustable, since the shortened barrel makes the existing calibration more or less completely invalid.

"No, YOU get on the ground!"

"Fire Walker"

Looking over the "Fire Walker", in all of its squashed-and-stretched glory.

This angle is totally coincidental, and there's definitely nothing hiding behind the gas tube.

A selection of the Fire Walker's fictional "13x59mm Ogden" ammo; aside from the standard FMJ, there's the green "Slugger" (a high-mass wadcutter, similar in function to some of the normal rounds' high-mass or hollow-point variants), and the blue "Frag" (which is pretty much self-explanatory). The cartridge's name is a reference to the town of Ogden, Utah, where the designer of the BAR (and a wide variety of other successful firearms), John Moses Browning, was born.

On the subject of references, the name of the gun itself is a reference to the WWI-era doctrine of "walking fire" (which the original BAR was designed for), wherein soldiers with select-fire rifles would advance together while firing in steady semi-auto from the hip to suppress an enemy trench line, then switch to full-auto once they got close enough to clear the trench. This proved impractical in practice, and the BAR outlived its original intended purpose by several decades.

Yanking the Fire Walker's rather large wood-sheathed charging handle; even at this angle, a bit of it is still visible.

Unlike a normal BAR, the Fire Walker has a separate safety and fire selector; the latter sits on the left side where the normal selector goes, while the former is instead a simple two-position switch just ahead of the trigger guard.

Aiming; while the hooded front post and large rear aperture make what seems to be a normal sight picture, the actual intended line-up point (for close ranges, at any rate) is instead the notch at the bottom of said aperture, with a centered view like this one providing a slightly longer zero.

Suffice it to say, the 13x59mm Ogden round packs a fair bit of kick.

Having been exhausted of all 15 of its rounds, the magazine offers up one last gift in the form of an automatic hold-open; since the Fire Walker (like a normal BAR) fires from an open bolt anyway, there's seldom a need to pull the charging handle, in spite of the fact that it clearly wants to be pulled as much as possible. Just look at it.

Flipping the selector over to full-auto; since there's no safe position, the selector throw is considerably longer than that of a normal BAR.

Hosing down a wall with some of the aforementioned Frag ammo. Not a completely necessary shot, but an enjoyable one nonetheless.

M60

Added with the full release of Update #72, the much-awaited M60 is available in H3VR, notably being its first 7.62x51mm machine gun (barring the handheld GAU-17/A). Of note is that the weapon was actually added a few updates prior, albeit in cartoonish "Sosigun" form, rather than as a normal firearm.

M60 - 7.62x51mm NATO

After nearly 3 years, it's finally here.

The notorious Pig.

Affixing a 100-round belt box to the M60.

Flipping it over to rack the rather prominent charging handle; locking back the bolt is usually performed before loading a belt on the M60.

Popping open the feed tray cover...

...pulling the tracer-laced belt into place...

...and closing the cover.

Being an open-bolt, belt-fed GPMG, the M60 doesn't really need a semi-auto setting.

As such, its only two options in terms of firing are "nothing at all" or "full-auto".

"Now, what could this strange sheet-metal contraption be?"

"Oh."

Setting the M60 down on its bipod makes it easier to aim through the notch-and-post ladder sights...

...or to just ignore them and use the entire ladder like a ghost-ring. Note the belt link to the right; the M60 spits both these and spent cases out of the same port, though they rarely both come out in the same frame. Which is correct, since they're ejected during different parts of the bolt's movement.

Actually, why even bother with the bipod? Just sing the song of your people and hipfire everything in sight. Let the tracers guide you.

If actually using the weapon properly is your goal, then Update #100's 6th alpha has just the thing for you: an adjustable rear sight, graduated from 100 meters to 1,100 meters in 100-meter increments. Ideal for sensible, non-faith-based aiming.

M60E3

To complement the above M60, Update #84 brought along the lightened M60E3.

M60E3 - 7.62x51mm NATO

Picking up the M60E3; a somewhat easier task than picking up the normal version.

But, at the end of the day, a lighter pig is still a pig.

Racking the charging handle, much the same as on the standard version.

Popping open the feed tray cover, also much the same as on the standard version.

Mounting a belt box - same as before.

Belt's the same.

Close-up's the same.

Safety's the same.

Yep, even in the not-safe position.

Ah, there we go! Something different, finally!

The bipod is different, too!

The irons are similar, but not quite identical; the oversized front post is easy to acquire, though it can be a bit obtrusive at range.

Of course, as we all know, the sights are just for show anyways. A real man sprays it one-handed at everything in sight while letting out an inarticulate scream of rage.

For us imaginary men, on the other hand, Update #100's 6th alpha made this one's sights adjustable too - like the full-size version, they go from 100 meters to 1,100 meters in 100-meter increments. Said full-size version is also present here - it seemed like a nice opportunity for a family gathering.

M60E4 / Mk 43 Mod 1

Along with the M60E3, the 2019 Meatmas update added an M60E4 - or, to be more precise, a Mk 43 Mod 1, a Navy-issued variant of the E4 that differs near-solely in having extra rail mounts.

M60E4 / Mk 43 Mod 1 with vertical foregrip - 7.62x51mm NATO

Giving the M60E4 a once-over.

Even with a shorter barrel than the other version, it's still a bit tricky to fit into the frame.

Yanking the charging handle back.

Mounting a fresh 100-round belt box.

You know the drill by now - pop the hood...

...try to ignore whatever the third round thinks that it's doing...

...and slam 'er shut.

The bipod is yet another different design, considerably less flat-looking than the prior versions'. Also note that the safety is on; this would soon be rectified.

Aiming at an enemy board, ready to turn it to woodchips.

Alternatively, why wait for them to be radicalized? Save some time, and stop the problem at its source.

"I'm no expert, but I don't think that that looks right."

Speaking of things that don't look right, why use a railed gun if you're not putting attachments on it? The vertical foregrip helps control recoil, the M145 Machine Gun Optic lets you see enemies from further away, and the muzzle-mounted "Loudener" strikes fear and tinnitus into the hearts of your enemies.

It also renders the MGO a bit of a moot point.

Of course, the Mk 43 couldn't be left out of the family 100-to-1,100-meter-adjustable-sight gathering, now could it? Sadly, only one ammo box was available, so they all had to take turns, but it was still a good bonding experience overall.

Even if the Mk 43 did feel the need to show off how its rear sight can fold down, too - a feature not implemented on the other versions presumably due to a lack of utility (since they don't have optic mounts, and thus don't have any particular need to fold the rear sight out of the way).

MG42

The second belt-fed weapon added to H3 in Update #52 was the famous (or infamous, depending on which end of it one finds oneself on) MG42. Originally only available with its 50-round Sturmtrommel belt box, the near-perpetual fan requests for a higher-capacity belt eventually led to the creation of a 200-round "GiantBox", seemingly based on the belt boxes used with the MG42's successor, the MG3.

MG42 with 50-round drum - 7.92x57mm Mauser

Examining the left side of the MG42...

...and the right side.

Affixing a 50-round "assault drum"; as the colloquial name implies, these were meant to be used with the weapon in an offensive role, with emplaced defensive guns instead using 250-round loose belts.

Opening up the feed tray cover.

Tugging the belt into position.

Shutting the feed tray cover.

And, finally, pulling back the MG42's charging handle.

Taking pseudo-aim...

...before very quickly realizing why the MG42 is so often referred to as "Hitler's Buzzsaw".

Firing the weapon again, this time at a different angle, which shows off the veritable river of spent brass and links that freely pours from the weapon while firing.

"Then he got an idea. An awful idea. The Grinch got a wonderful, awful idea."

And speaking of awfully wonderfully awful ideas, we have the "HISTORISCH INAKKURATE RIESEN MUNITIONSGURTEL BOX FÜR JÄMMERLICHE WIENER", German for "Historically Inaccurate Giant Ammunition Belt Box For Miserable Weiners".

Pulling the belt out of said giant belt box. It'd probably be a better idea to lock the bolt open first, but then again, accuracy isn't the goal here, in case the stenciled-on lettering didn't make that clear.

Hosing down a distant Sosig with the MG42; when you've got this many rounds (a fair chunk of which are tracers) and this high a rate of fire, aiming is not so much "align your sights and shoot" as it is "guess and check".

Hell, with this many rounds to spare, you can afford to take a second or two to watch casings pile up. Assuming that you aren't being shot at, that is. Which you probably are.

So, for some peace and quiet, take a trip out to the countryside, and adjust your rear sight for the considerably longer engagement distances it brings. You've got every option from 200 meters to 2,000, as long as that option ends in "hundred" or "thousand".

PKM

The long-awaited PKM was added in Update #112; one departure from reality is that this version of the PKM uses disintegrating belts of ammunition, as the game does not simulate non-disintegrating belts or loose ammo belts for performance reasons.

PKM - 7.62x54mmR

Admiring the PKM. After all these years, it's finally here.

And what better place to celebrate than the nicest, fanciest apartment complex in the entire CCCP?

Affixing a 100-round belt box. These come pre-opened, like the rest of the game's belt boxes - it'd probably be more of a concern if ammo degradation or dirt accumulation were actually modeled, but they thankfully aren't.

Popping open the feed tray cover...

...pulling out a belt of steel-cased 7.62x54mmR...

...and slamming it shut.

Fiddling with the rear sight; it's adjustable from 100 meters out to 1,500 in 100-meter increments. Notably, unlike many other Soviet adjustable sights (e.g. the one on the AKM), it lacks an initial battlesight position.

Trying out the sights (on their lowest setting); they're about what you'd expect from a Soviet longarm.

Like H3's other belt-fed MGs, the belt responds to gravity (albeit in a representational way, rather than through actual simulated physics); this notably also affects the feed opening's dust cover, which is pushed further open by the sag of the belt.

Disengaging the safety - while many of the PK's attributes were carried over from the AK (including most of the operating mechanism, albeit flipped over and converted to open-bolt), the safety wasn't, instead being a much more conventional thumb-accessible lever.

Getting a fair chunk of the way to the relevant hold room before remembering to actually pull the charging handle.

Opening up on a Floater. Note the separate belt link and spent case ejection ports, each with their own spring-loaded dustcover; as mentioned, the in-game gun's belt disintegrates, a feature of no standard PK-type belt (which are, as a note of trivia, backwards-compatible with the belts from the Maxim M1910), though the Ukrainian company RAROG does make a disintegrating polymer belt.

Popping open the weapon's bipod further down the Inclinator's sharply-angled stairs.

Attempting to engage a passing shipment of brutalism from this position. Keyword being "attempting".

RPD

One of the 5 Meatmas Day gifts in 2018 was an RPD; amusingly enough, this was only the second-largest gift, the largest also being the smallest.

RPD - 7.62x39mm

Popping the top off of a box, revealing something truly magical.

Examining the RPD.

Being a belt-fed machine gun, an involved loading procedure is par for the course; it starts with the attachment of a 100-round belt drum...

...followed by the opening of the feed tray cover...

...the seating of the belt in the tray...

...the closing of the feed tray cover...

...and, finally, the pulling of the charging handle.

Trying out the sights.

Remembering that this is an LMG, and not a rifle; as such, it has an important bit of hardware out front:

The bipod.

Firing the machine gun this way is much more practical than using it offhand; it practically eliminates recoil, making it extremely effective for long-range use.

However, the downside of the bipod is that it makes spraying green tracers at everything whilst cackling megalomaniacally substantially more difficult. It's all a matter of priorities.

Unfortunately, like all good things, the RPD's 100-round belt must come to an end.

Taking one last admiring look at the RPD, before dealing with other, more serious matters.

RPK

The RPK is one of the numerous firearms added in the first Meatmas update. At the time, it was actually referred to as a Vepr-3V, the civilian semi-auto version of the RPK, but Update #32 changed it into a military full-auto model. It was then removed in Update #52 for rebuilding, and wasn't heard from until it returned to the game with a new model on day 20 of the Meatmas 2020 Advent Calendar event.

RPK with 40-round magazine - 7.62x39mm

An RPK and an AK-101 leaning against a wall. What's that old saying? "Birds of a feather flock together?"

Examining the right side of the uncertain RPK...

...and the left, which shows off the permanently-affixed rail adaptor.

Loading a 10-round magazine into the maybe-a-Vepr.

Reaching forward...

...and pulling down.

Setting down the rifle/machine gun for a bit.

Pulling the charging handle.

Aiming...

...and firing a single round. Something about this just doesn't feel right.

Knocking out one 10-round magazine with another, and...

"No. That's not who I am. I refuse to let anybody tell me what I can or can't be. I am an RPK, and I am proud!"

Old LMGs, drum magazines, and modern rails mix rather well, don't you think?

Especially when those rails are put to good use, such as for the mounting of this PK-23 red dot sight.

Looking through the PK-23.

Feeling free, liberated, and sure of itself, the RPK happily blazes away in full-auto.

Following its personal awakening, the RPK decided to spend the next few years going on a spiritual journey to find itself.

'"It's good to have you back, RPK."

"And man, do you look... different. So tell me, how was Nepal?"

Rocking a magazine into the RPK; this 40-round box mag was added along with the weapon, hence why there are three of them in the box.

Chambering a round. Being an AK derivative, the RPK requires the safety to be disengaged first.

Switching the selector over to semi-auto - while this may seem counter-intuitive for a machine gun, it's important to remember that the RPK is, at is core, a larger AKM, and can still do ordinary infantry-rifle things, accurate semi-auto fire among them.

The folding bipod also helps with this.

Aiming at a snowy canyon wall; the original plan was to aim at the nearby S-COM tower and take some carefully-aimed shots off the bipod, but a nearby Agile drone had other ideas on the matter.

Fiddling with the RPK's sights; the original model never got proper adjustable sights (being removed before the overhaul), so this one got them right from the start.

As with the ordinary AKM, these go from a basic battlesight zero, to 100 meters, and then out to a kilometer in 100-meter increments.

Taking some potshots at the source of these sub-standard substitute screenshots, to little effect.

Clearly, the solution is more firepower - if 40 rounds don't do the trick, 75 should.

As should switching what the "trick" is - taking down a Static drone in semi-auto is borderline impossible, whereas hosing down a Recursive one in full-auto is child's play by comparison.

"Sentry Gun"

Update #83 added a much-requested feature to the Meat Fortress gamemode: the Engineer's Dispenser and Sentry Gun. Since H3 lacks a conventional HUD, the building-construction system had to be considerably reworked; buildings are created by thrown objects, and most critical functions are performed through button-presses on the Dispenser. Additionally, the Sentry cannot be reloaded by whacking it with a wrench (as it is in TF2), with it instead using detachable pan magazines that auto-eject when they run empty.

While the Sentry Gun itself is fictional in design, its mounting is a rather close (if stylized) replica of the Maxim MG08's distinctive four-legged "sledge" mount.

Maxim MG08 on "sledge" mount - 7.92x57mm Mauser

Both the Dispenser and Sentry Gun are created via these team-color-specific "Tippy Toys" (based on can-type deer calls; several other ones exist in-game, though these simply make noises when tipped); the text on the side reads "SCARLETT THE SENTRY GUN", in keeping with the toys' alliterative name schemes.

Upon activating the toy (by tipping it over, as one would expect) and then throwing it, a Sentry Gun spawns where it lands, and is promptly engulfed in a cloud of smoke.

Taking a look at the Sentry; the black disk on the top of the receiver is the magazine. Each one of these holds 150 rounds, the standard capacity of a non-upgraded Sentry in TF2.

Lifting up the back end of the receiver to get a better look at the mounting; as Sentries in H3 are physics-active objects, they can be pushed an manipulated with various tools (albeit with some resistance - their joints seem to be spring-loaded).

A Sentry guarding a strategic position, giving a good view of its overall profile. Of course, it doesn't have to stay there...

Yes, as in the source material, Sentries can be picked up and relocated; unlike the source material, however, they don't have to be shoved into a toolbox to do so.

This also means that, if you're feeling particularly lazy efficient, you can just carry around a Sentry and have it shoot for you.

Stoner 63

The Stoner 63 in its Commando configuration (but with a LMG long barrel) was added on day 23 of the Meatmas 2020 Advent Calendar event.

Stoner 63, Commando configuration - 5.56x45mm NATO

The Stoner 63; Two for the price of one!

Jokes aside, when comparing the LMG and AR variants, you may notice something unusual.

Namely, that the receiver for the LMG configuration is just the AR receiver turned upside-down. This effects the loading procedure since everything's now on the opposite side.

For example, unlike most LMGs, the belt feeds from the right and ejects to the left. Good for left-handed users, though.

And with the charging handle located on the bottom of the barrel, one has to wonder how they're supposed to hold this weapon while firing without the bipod.

With the carry handle, perhaps?

The Stoner 63 LMG has adjustable sights. Here we have the default sights...

And the ladder sights, which go to a maximum of 1000m.

The Stoner is one of the better weapons for dealing with Agile drones. They may be agile, but they're not agile enough for sustained fire.

Valmet M78

The Valmet M78 was added in Alpha 4 of update #110. Specifically, it is the 7.62x51mm export model.

Valmet M78 - 7.62x51mm NATO

The Valmet M78 as it appears in-game. An AK-pattern firearm chambered in 7.62mm NATO is an interesting sight indeed.

Taking a closer look at the M78's rather oar-shaped wooden stock.

Inserting a 20-round magazine into the machine gun.

Deploying the bipod, eager to get to work.

And, of course, bringing a round into the chamber.

Blasting away in full-auto at the target.

Swapping an empty 20-round magazine for a fresh 30-rounder.